Change Your Perspective, Change Your Life

People Skills and Emotional Intelligence--Action Tips and Applications

#36. Reframing

"Seeing situations in a new light by considering different meanings, intentions or consequences to elicit more positive and productive responses"

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Change Your Perspective, Change Your Life

Recently I sat down with Tim, a colleague who had just completed a professional assessment of his ability to work effectively with his boss, direct reports and clients.  He shook his head as we discussed the results.  His clients seemed to love him: they felt appreciated, supported and listened to exceeding well by him.  He made time to get to know them and made their requests top priority.  On the other hand, his direct reports and peers rated him low in many areas.  They indicated they were unable to get his attention when needed, didn't get needed information or feedback from him on time, and often had meetings cancelled by him at the last minute.  He was disappointed since he felt he and his colleagues made a great team and had the results to prove it.  He was unsure what to do next.   I commented to him that he certainly knows how to create strong working relationships evidenced by the feedback from his clients.  He thought a few moments and said, “That is true!  Maybe if I think of my direct reports and peers as internal clients, I will have a blueprint to make some needed changes.”  He left our meeting energized with ideas for practical steps to improve his work relationships.  Tim didn't have to overhaul his personality or sign up for extensive training; he just needed to reframe how he viewed his team at work.  Rather than assuming they needed some direction, but little attention, he saw them from a fresh perspective: valuable people that deserved the level of attention he was already giving his clients. 

Reframing is the ability to see situations we are in from a new perspective, one that often opens up a more positive and productive response.  This might mean looking for the opportunity in a problem.  Losing a job is often a disheartening and difficult experience.  It also might be just the chance you needed to make that move to San Diego, a place you have always wanted to live.  This is just what my nephew did five years ago when his job in Ohio puttered out.  He is now making more money, loves his current job and sees more opportunities ahead of him.   A friend was initially pretty unhappy when the lower level of her home flooded from a broken pipe.  She took a deep breath and saw opportunity.  By adding in some money to her insurance payout, she was able to create the living space she had been dreaming about.

For the reflective reader:

To help you shift to a more optimistic, useful perspective when difficult circumstances happen, ask yourself questions such as:

               What can I do to get beyond this difficult time?

               What is going well for me and how might I build on that?

               Is there a silver lining in what is happening?

               How might (think of a friend you admire) describe and handle this?

               What would my ideal outcome in six months be?  

                What might be my first steps to get there?              

Remind yourself of challenges in the past that you have overcome.  What personal strengths, creativity and resources helped you then?  Remembering those successes can add to your current confidence.  You have the ability to see your world with new eyes: change your perspective, change your life.

People Skills Handbook: Action Tips to improve Your Emotional Intelligence, (2012). Aanstad, J, Corbett, P, Jourdan, C, and Pearman, R.